At the cost of many self sacrificial moves, I’ve buried myself again, along with any resolution to my current conundrum. I found a needle in a pile of hay a couple days ago. I immediately thought of you. One day I’ll tell you about my sketch of a woman on a broken hay bale. Slumped, her head in her hands probably hiding tears, she envisions a needle. How did you find me and shine light into my mind where the darkness was once more prevailing? All the doubt about love has come from knowing that so many men left me unsatisfied. Broken hearts are abundant no matter who or how you love, but somehow this feeling runs deeper than what I’m familiar with. I never thought I wasn’t going to be with a man. I do enjoy them, when properly trained they can be quite good in bed. However that takes time, energy and usually a relationship for it to work in my favor. For once I would just love to fall into you and understand what it is you whisper to me about. Can I let go of what I know? Can I even. Christy also made a safe maiden voyage in my Subaru. Ashley had a little more confidence that Chris, but I could see that both of them would become safe drivers.Jeremy and David asked my sweet sixteen girlfriends out on another double date the last Saturday in the month. Of course, they ‘d only guessed that Ashley and Chris were my girlfriends, but I had pretty well admitted as much to them. I invited them to a birthday celebration for the two we held in my office at the university. I was ‘only’ Ash and Christy’s mentor, advisor, landlord, and a few other professional things, and they were circumspect in maintaining that façade. Somehow, I didn’t feel compelled to explain that I was also their lover and fuck buddy, or that Ash’s mother usually frequented our bed.Perhaps it was because we’d already opened up our relationship to include Lisa, Doug, and Deb, but I wasn’t as stressed out about the idea of them dating as I had been before. I knew that we loved each other, and trusted that.
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